So here we are. Still. It is very strange how quickly we humans can adapt to change. Everyday I wake up. Everyday I stay home. This is what we do now. Last week was different. Last week I thought that I could start taking my boys to parks, beaches and hiking trails again. I was wrong.
My two year old got sick. Over 104 degrees fever sick. When I was holding his red hot body against my chest, rocking back and forth, and praying for his temperature to go down I was not worrying about all the places that were closed. All I wanted was to go back to a time, anytime, when he was healthy.
This pandemic is a major mind f*ck. Everyday I oscillate between feelings of sorrow, guilt, joy, anger, gratitude and everything in between. I have a loving family. I’m grateful. My son spit on the floor and slammed his bedroom door for the third time today. I’m angry. My house is a filthy mess. I’m stressed. I have a home. I’m grateful. My husband is in a room twenty feet away, but I still have to read my son a book while I defecate. I’m over it. My husband has a job. I’m grateful. Tens of thousands of US citizens have died of a virus that other countries with decent leadership were able to control the spread of. I’m livid. My family and I have health insurance and access to health care. I’m grateful.
My boys are doing ok. Despite the frustrations parenting in a pandemic brings I feel extremely lucky to share my days with two creatures who are a constant source of laughter and love. Everyday my goal is to stay sane which is why we haven’t managed to complete much kindergarten schoolwork. It’s not worth the battles required to get it done. As my friend recently put it, “everyone is in the same boat. Except overly competitive parents, in which case the kids may know how to spell, but will be emotionally scarred.” I bow down to the families, if they exist, who are managing to follow an online curriculum without tears.
So that’s where we are at. I was optimistic about the easing of restrictions until our park outings coincided with Charlie’s need to constantly shove his whole hand in his mouth due to his molars coming in. His fever has now gone and we have retreated to our virus free bubble. I’m nervous, confused, scared, and grateful. Everyday I’m feeling all the feelings. How about you?