why I can’t quit nail salons

I love having my nails done. Having trimmed cuticles and shiny colorful nails makes me feel pretty, oh so pretty. When my nails are done, looking at my hands is no longer a fraught nightmare. I’m not filled with horror as I examine my aging, loose skin and sunspots. Instead, my hands make me smile. They make me think, “look how fancy you are!”

In my past life, getting my nails done was reserved for formals (high school), weddings (20s) and vacations (30s). Now, as a 40 year old grown ass woman, I get them done whenever the hell I feel like it.

Yet, as a woman who can afford to pay $80 for the occasional gel mani-pedi, I feel guilty AF. I still go, but it doesn’t feel great to sit there while a silent, masked, non-native english speaking woman tends to me. I know she’s getting paid, but is she getting fair wages? Was she smuggled into this country? What are her hopes and dreams? Did she used to be an accountant or lawyer? Shamefully, I don’t ask these questions, but they are never far from my thoughts as I sit there with my fingers in a magical hand-sized tanning bed which is capable of supernatural chemistry and hardening liquid nearly instantaneously.

When the magical Gel UV technology first emerged it was our generation’s moon landing. There’s tech that exists that can prevent my manicure from being ruined the second I reach into my purse?? I no longer have to wear thin foam flip-flops with cotton uncomfortably separating my toes while I waddle to my car? Do you believe in miracles?!!!??

A good mani-pedi does indeed feel like a miracle to me. It’s a miracle that I can still feel alluring and attractive while becoming more and more invisible as I age, which is why I’ll keep going back despite the NY Times investigative pieces, despite the fear-mongering articles about the harmful UV rays (I now make sure to use sunscreen!), and despite my shame and guilt about having disposable income in an unequal society. I feel pretty!

Photo by Bryony Elena on Unsplash